everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
