How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
