we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
