The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
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Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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