Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
