well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
