# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
