Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i wish my penis had a tongue
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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