she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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