I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
