So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
