dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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