sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
