who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
