There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
