just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize