Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
