my mouth tastes like poor choices
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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