Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
