The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
