I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
