it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
