had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
