A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
