Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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