Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
