think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
