dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
