I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
