So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
