i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
