I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
