And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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