Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I deserve this hangover.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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