my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Who died my cat blue again?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
