Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry madame_orange hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(248): View more from Michigan

You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.

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(519): View more from Ontario

This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I want to be you.

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(559): View more from California

she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.

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(386): View more from Florida

I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness

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(970): View more from Colorado

That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.

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(740): View more from Ohio

it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.

(419): View more from Ohio

i've gotta research that and get back to you.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.

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