I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
