I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
