first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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