I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
