i don't like sucking hair
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
