I think im going to throw up on grandma
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
