you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
