When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
