It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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