i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
