she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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