I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
