I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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