Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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