not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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