nut hugger
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
