I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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