So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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