he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
