so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
