When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
