oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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