I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ugly people sure do ruin things
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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