Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
