You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
