Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.

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(509): View more from Washington

Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?

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(315): View more from New York

some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

apparently i was cut off before i even walked in

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(513): View more from Ohio

All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.

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(972): View more from Texas

I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.

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(281): View more from Texas

Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.

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