Need sex. Gaining weight.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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