Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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