mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
