on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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