I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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