The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
