Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
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as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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