bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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